Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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