You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
