I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
