high people should be assigned attendants
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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