operation harelip BJ is a go
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
