hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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