I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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