sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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