Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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