would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
