I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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