their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
