dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
