Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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