he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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