a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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