had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
