i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
