so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
