Pappa wants mamma naked
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
