I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We smell like vodka and hangover
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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