those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
