Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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