I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
