I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.