he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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