I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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