I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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