I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
