Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
