I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
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okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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