Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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