i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
