omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
