fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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