Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
