don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
