dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
