The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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