The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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