We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
