This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
