We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
