he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
it's great music for shaving your balls
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
