i jhust puked up my retainher.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
