Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His nipple licking is glorious
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