I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
