tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
