I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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