You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
