he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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