My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
