i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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