She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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