You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
