My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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