how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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