we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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