Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
