This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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