So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
