The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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