His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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