Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
