No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
