I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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