What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
