I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
