dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
they need to just BURY HIM!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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