I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Randomize
