ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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