I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
