I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
