How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
