I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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