hotel room ftw
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
