I bet he comes in French.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
