if you like me you must not know who I am
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
