Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
