my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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