Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
