So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
