He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
