thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
