I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
